What do you say when you don’t know what to say?

You know the feeling- someone makes a statement or shares an opinion that sounds completely outrageous to you. Your instinctive reaction might be to blurt out something like, “That’s crazy!”

But we know there are better ways to respond - if you can have the presence of mind to do so! One of the first and most foundational skills that we teach is non-judgmental listening, which can be difficult to put into practice.

Here are some of our favorite examples of how to respond non-judgmentally in those tough and often unexpected moments:

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY:

• Be honest about how you’re feeling:

  • • “That’s surprising to me.”

    • “I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

• “WOW!”

• “Hmmm…”

• Say nothing - silence is neutral!

We’d love to hear YOUR tips and best practices for how to respond with non-judgement!

LM Engagement was founded by Laura Marie (LM) Davis. Here, LM shares in her own words WHY this work is important to her:

A colleague of mine recently asked me if I know my WHY (in reference to the work of Simon Sinek.) Here’s my answer:

I don’t want my future children to feel like they have to run away from home like I did.

And when I say “run away” I don’t mean riding the rails with a knapsack. I’m talking about the fact that I left Ohio when I was in my early twenties because I was tired of the small-town Midwestern mindset that had dominated so much of my life up to that point. I believed that I was limited by the perspectives and experiences of those around me, and unfortunately I bought into many of the false stereotypes that exist about the people and communities of so-called “flyover country.”

Fortunately, by the time I reached 30 I came to realize that my own experiences from growing up in a blue-collar family in the exurbs of Ohio gave me a unique and powerful perspective that defines much of who I am. I eventually came back home to Ohio because I AM proud of the places that I’m from, and if there’s anything that makes me feel otherwise, there’s no better person than myself to make the changes I want to see for my own community.

One of my favorite authors, Ursula K. LeGuin, is often quoted as saying something along the lines of: “True journey is to return.” This sentiment really resonates with me. I had to go on a journey, literally and figuratively, to recognize the value of where I started and the role that I can play.

Now that I’m looking ahead to starting my own family, I realize that there’s work to do to make sure that my future children have the opportunity to feel truly at home here in Ohio. That’s why I started LM Engagement, and why I dedicate my time to helping people have better conversations about tough topics. Because I know that we can create the future that we want- if we’re courageous enough to do the work together!

Our values are at the heart of what we do here at LM Engagement. While our training focuses on building particular communication skills, everything we practice is informed by our values of courage, connection, and creativity.

When it comes to engaging in dialogue, there is inherently an aspect of the unknown. You can’t know coming into a conversation what the other person might say, or what you might learn. You have to be willing to take the chance that you’ll hear or share something unexpected. That’s where our first value comes in: Courage is about taking that leap of faith. Courage means trying something new or different even when you’re not sure whether it will “work out.” Asking a deeper question, or even engaging in a conversation about a tough topic can be an act of courage!

Once you take the first step to begin a courageous conversation, there’s the opportunity to form a connection. Connection means finding common ground with one another- even if it’s just being human. There may be folks in your community that just rub you the wrong way, who are never going to be considered your friend, and that’s okay. If you can build the capacity to recognize where you do have similarities with people who are very different from you, you’ll be better prepared to navigate the complexity of diverse communities. Part of diversity is accepting the fact that we don’t necessarily have to agree with everyone in our community in order to sustain healthy relationships together.

When we act with courage and seek connections, that leads us to the realm of creativity: Imaging new possibilities and bringing them to life together. Finding an unexpected connection with someone through a courageous conversation might lead you to see things from a different perspective. And that new perspective can lead you to new ways of thinking. When we open ourselves up to different perspectives it builds our capacity for creative problem solving and seeking solutions to improve our collective well-being.

That’s what the work we do is all about. Living out these values is how we achieve our mission to build community across differences and change the narratives about who we are and how we can be.

If you want to join our community and practice these skills together, Send us a message! We’d love to hear from you.

There are some voices out there who say that “Everything is political.” These days it certainly seems like politics has become more and more pervasive in our everyday lives. But what IS politics, really? Is it a set of beliefs and values? Is it how you vote? Or is it the way you show up in the world?

Our perspective is that politics is all about how a group of people manage to create community together. Another word to describe it is “governance,” which is about decision-making and getting along, both formally and informally. Think about how groups of people get along together: Every community, whether it’s a church or a neighborhood or even a single family, has politics. That is, they have ways of being together and communicating that govern their interactions and activities. There might be structured routines, like family dinners, or neighborhood potlucks, or regular group activities like worship. There are also less structured ways of being, like a certain style of conversation, or the types of jokes people tell.

When you think about community governance and politics in terms of these everyday ways of getting along, the “red vs blue” dichotomy doesn’t really serve us at all. What’s more important is learning how to lead with civility and engage in constructive dialogue with one another. There will always be people in your community that you disagree with. The key is learning how to sustain relationships in a community with a diversity of ideas.

We believe that politics isn’t just about “red vs blue” - It’s about governance. It’s about how we as a community get along, which in turns helps us make decisions and get things done, together. When you think about it that way, the personal really is political, because our everyday interactions with one another form the foundation of our broader society.

So when it comes to political dialogue, the conversation shouldn’t start with what “side” you’re on, but rather, How do we want to be in community together?

If you like these ideas, share this post with your own network, and follow us for more courageous conversations!

Engagement is something we talk about a lot. (Obviously- it’s in our name!) But engagement can easily be a buzzword that loses its meaning.

When we talk about engagement, we’re talking about a relationship that goes beyond just a single interaction. Engagement is a sustained connection, something that grows and evolves. It might start with just a single conversation. But a single conversation can be the groundwork for a relationship that turns into a network that builds a community.

Our approach is to give people the skills they need to start the conversation. Engagement is about building a bridge- and it doesn't happen overnight! But it takes courage to lay the first stone and be open to the spark of connection that will lead to even more conversations.

Follow us to learn more about how our training can improve your team's communication skills and help to create a culture of dialogue.